A family in my environment has recently lost their child in a terrible accident. I cannot imagine what those parents must be going through, but it has made me reflect on what it means to be a parent.
In this semi-digital world, we’re losing touch with what makes us feel fully alive, what makes us feel, cry, laugh, and bond. What makes us human.
Some experiences can keep you in touch with that human side: art, an honest hug, faith, a good book, your first kiss, a genuine laugh, or losing someone you love. But those moments are few and far in between.
There’s a more permanent act that can keep you connected to that human side that very few other things can: parenting.
Interestingly enough, parenting starts almost as a selfish act. It all starts the moment we say: I want kids. It’s not that I want to help a new human being for the rest of their life by sacrificing myself; no, I want something for myself, someone in this case. I want kids.
However, that selfish aspect of the planning phase goes away very soon.
Sides are somehow turned from day one, even before that. You start to worry about someone else during pregnancy. “Will they be ok?”, “All I want is a healthy baby,” most say. And for the first time in your life, you know what it’s like to worry about another defenseless person.
When a baby is born, you quickly find yourself giving more than receiving and it’s overwhelming at first. Your priorities shift, your time is no longer yours, and you learn what’s truly important in your life the first time you visit a hospital holding your sick baby.
On the other hand, you start to feel love, compassion, gratitude, or joy in a way that is almost impossible to reproduce without that new person in your life. In the long term, it transform you into a more decent, understanding, patient, and overall better human being. For many parents, kids give them a purpose.
And, when you die, you’ll probably remember the laughs, hugs, kisses, love, tears, and unique moments, and I don’t know anything else that can give you so much of that so often for so long.
So, yes, in a way, parenting makes you more human, and that, on its own, is worth pursuing.
